‘I should cancel.’ That was the first thought in my head as I rolled out of bed at 9 am on a bright Sunday morning in the coastal town of Santa Monica. I had been in California for 2 years already. I had taken a surf lesson eight months ago in February but never took another one. The first lesson I took was with a friend and when he refused a second one, I was too apprehensive to do it myself. So here is my story of overcoming the three curses that keep most people out of the water. The ones who get in though, speak of paradise.
In October of 2021, eight months later, I was in a relationship where I was feeling smothered. He didn’t want to do anything exciting. All we did was eat out and stay home and go bowling. I fucking hate bowling. It’s the stupidest thing ever invented. I craved a rush of adrenaline. And so I had booked a surf lesson for early Sunday morning.
Sunday had arrived and the cold and early morning air were doing their best to convince me to go back to bed. Fortunately I had been having terrible anxiety and instead of making a single phone call to cancel my lesson I got out of bed and made my way to the beach.
1.5 years later in 2023 I now look back on that Sunday and reminisce about it. The first lesson had gone terribly wrong. No one had taught me how to bail safely and I massively messed up my toe jumping off my board right into sand. The surf instructor had to carry me on his back to the parking lot. But I had gone back for two more surf lessons.
I have come a long way now. That day I was terrified of the ocean. It was too powerful, too deep and too scary. The waves in Santa Monica Bay are powerful. That’s why it’s one of the top surf destinations in the world. There is also abundant sea life in the area. The Santa Monica Bay is a white shark nursery and you can safely assume there will be a shark near you at any point. If I had to recount when I have been most scared in the ocean I would recount two incidents.
The first was during a big swell day when I was trying to catch white water waves by myself. I accidentally was pulled into the impact zone and a huge wave crashed on top of me and broke my leash. I came up 15 seconds later having inhaled a cup of sea water and sustained a big bruise on my leg. I went to the beach and cried that time.
The second time was when I decided to go past the surf break. The ocean was calm and I confidently paddled out. I got past the break and somehow sat down on the surfboard. A few seconds later, while my heart was still pumping, a dark shadow came up right next to me and breached the surface. At that moment, I was fully convinced that a great white shark had decided to make me its next snack. Spoiler alert – it was a seal.
The fear that shot through me was real enough though. My entire body went limp and my legs lost feeling. But the ocean wasn’t done yet. While keeping my eye on the seal the next set rolled in. The set had looked small from the shore, but sitting out there I realized immediately that the waves were too big for me to surf. So while all the other surfers took the waves in, I sat alone out past the break in tears, hoping for a lull so I could paddle back in.
So it would be surprising that last month in Canggu I went past the surf break, caught the first set wave of 4ft and rode it all the way in on a 7ft hardtop.
What is it about oceans that scares people? It’s mostly just water. Is it the unknown that scares them? The fact that they have no power? That the ocean could end it all in a single second? In my experience it’s a combination of three things. Sharks, big waves and the deep unknown. Put a person in a small shallow pool and they will be fine. Add a shark and they will not get in. Remove the shark but increase the depth to 100 meters and they won’t get in. Make it shallow again but add big waves and they won’t get it.
How do you fix those?
Scared of sharks?
Allow @mermaid.kayleigh and @oceanramsay to explain to you that sharks just do not give a shit about you. The only reason they attack is because you were in murky water and they thought you were food or something interesting. What’s the best way if you see a shark approaching? Get in the water, stand vertically straight and firmly guide it away if it comes too close.
Scared of depth?
Do some dives. Go to that depth you are afraid off. Stay in the ocean long enough and you know there is nothing hiding in the depths waiting to kill you. It’s mostly just water.
Scared of power?
A healthy sense of fear for the ocean is good. The ocean is a momentous natural power. You will never win against it. If it wants you dead, you will die. You cannot fight the ocean. To beat the unhealthy sense of fear, you have to mess up and get pommeled a few times. The first time you will be deathly scared, by the fifth time you will realize that the ocean just spits you out sooner or later. Surfing is one of those sports where you have to level up little by little. If the waves look too big from the shore, stay away. That’s the ocean warning you that it does not want you to enter today. Always respect what the ocean is telling you first and foremost. Do not be a cocky ass.
I went from being scared of the ocean to surfing alone in Bali. In a couple years I want to be at Teahupoo. I will always be scared of the ocean but unfortunately I’m also in love with it.
